Loving the Least of These

Last night I sat in my room trying to journal, and myself struggling to get anything out in a way that made sense. I had so many thoughts bouncing around my head, and so many things on my heart that I just didn't know to get them out. There are so many things that I just simply don't understand and I found my self crying out in search of answers. So I decided to just simply ask God some questions:

What is your plan for my life? How will the relationships that I have that are dear to my heart change while I'm in Honduras for a few months? Will they be the same when I come home? Can I go to Africa? I know we are supposed to help the poor and that we will find you among them, but you said that the world will always have poor people, so will our help to them ever be enough? Will poverty ever end? When can all the hungry children around the world have enough food to eat? Why am I so selfish? Will the church ever be what you intended it to be? When will I become the person that you insist I already am? When will the world stop seeing Christians as a bunch of hypocritical, faithless, insensitive, jerks? What does love really look like? Will I be with you to the end? When will we, the church, stop closing the doors on those who so desperately need to meet you? Why can't all of your children in every denomination put our differences aside long enough to serve you whole-heartedly, and change this world? How many of your children will die tonight of starvation/malnutrition? How many tons of fries did America consume today? Will I ever live a faith that bleeds? Why can't I get this Christianity stuff down? When you said 'sell everything you have and give to the poor" did you really mean it? Why are there so many orphans around the world? When will I run straight into your arms and never look back? Why do I lose faith in you so easily? Why is Honduras so far from West Virginia? Why do people leave our lives as quickly as they came in? Why is it so hard to let go? Why are goodbyes so hard? What does true sacrifice look like? Am I doing enough? When will I realize that your grace is enough for me? When will I realize that the world spins on your energy, not mine? Why does racism still exist? When will I learn to see Jesus in the eyes of my enemies? When will be take Jesus' teachings seriously? Am I going to Hell for clapping in church? [ ok, I know I'm not, but I just had to throw that one in there for laughs.] Why do bad things happen to good people? Why are people dying in third world countries of cureable diseases, starvation, and AIDS while the church sits in its pews arguing over what we do for an hour on Sunday mornings? When will I learn to love my neighbors as myself? Why has church become the last place people turn to for help? Why is it so hard to see you in the midst of the storm? When I can't see you, are you still there? At the end of time are we going up, or are you coming down? Why are our church fellowship meals so inclusive? Will I go to Hell if I skip Sunday school to go be with the homeless of my community? [ again, just needed a good laugh] Why won't the United States send life saving medicines to Africa for children that will die without them? When will there be pure water for everyone to drink? Do you hear my prayers? Why can't the homeless sleep in our church buildings? When will the US stop being so selfish? Is your kingdom breaking through? Do people see you living in me? When will I learn to love like I mean it? Will I ever be close enough to someone's pain so that they will be close enough to catch your love? Do you really speak in times of silence? When will I sit still and shut up long enough to hear your voice? Will love really heal my heart?


- Sam